41. The Junior

"Mr. Humphries is to be the new senior." -- 19.9Kb

"No!" -- 17.8Kb

"He says he's very happy." -- 23.9Kb

"My leg's gone again." -- 18.2Kb

"It's not all roses at the top, is it?" -- 22.0Kb

"I've worked for simply oodles of shops." -- 17.8Kb

Mr. Humphries' reaction to Mr. Beauchamp. -- 23.8Kb

"Why'd you get rid of him so quickly?"  "Well, we don't want people like that working here!" -- 23.1Kb

"I've got it!  I've got it!  Corporal Peacock!" -- 20.5Kb

"Corporal" Peacock. -- 21.2Kb

24.3Kb

"It was you, wasn't it?" -- 26.7Kb

"My mother burst into tears on the doorstep...." -- 24.5Kb

Mr. Goldberg does some fast calculations. -- 23.5Kb

"I'm getting silver threads amongst the gold." -- 18.4Kb

"I thought the staff should like to have this photo if I go.  Should I stay...?" -- 22.3Kb

42. Strong Stuff, This Insurance

"Should we take away a privilege, sir?" -- 25.0Kb

Humphries tries out the "ting-a-ling" knickers. -- 26.3Kb

"I intend to get a clean bill of health at the medical examination." -- 20.6Kb

"It's not all men who are only after a quick fumble at the fire exit."  "Oh, so that's where you take 'em." -- 15.3Kb

"I showed her something that altered her whole life." -- 21.6Kb

The men get serious about exercise when they see the pretty doctor who'll be doing the exams.  --26.5Kb

	"Hang on a minute--why am I doing this?"  "She's homeopathic."  "Oh!  Thanks for reminding me." -- 24.9

Goldberg and Lucas before the ballet lesson. -- 24.1Kb

"Don't say a word, Mr. Lucas." -- 27.7Kb

"Darling!" -- 27.0Kb

"I adore your aftershave." -- 29.9Kb

Mrs. Slocombe tries out the bar.  -- 26.0Kb

27.9Kb

"Ow!" -- 28.7Kb

The staff really gets into the act. -- 29.3Kb

The grand finale. -- 36.0Kb

Mr. Humprhies gets a bit of a shock. -- 22.3Kb

"You're required to remove your clothes."  "Who said?" -- 22.2Kb

"I'm not going any further until you turn and face the other way." -- 22.8Kb

Mr. Goldberg has just announced that the nurse has gone to get them some hangers. -- 18.8Kb

"Me alarm's working." -- 27.7Kb

"Did you hear what he said?  Keep away, that's an order!" -- 29.0Kb

"Ah!  You're all talk when you've got your trousers on but now you're losin' your bottle!" -- 22.1K

The revenge of Brahms and Slocombe. -- 26.3Kb

The staff eavesdrop at Young Mr. Grace's door. -- 32.4Kb

"The knob's goin' to fall off." -- 25.7Kb

"A bit older than it looks." -- 19.6Kb

"Worth holding onto if you're going to have it stuffed." -- 24.4Kb

25.0Kb

43. The Apartment

"Mrs. Slocombe's residence, Harmon the butler here." -- 20.6Kb

Mr. Humphries arrives seeking shelter. -- 17.5Kb

21.6Kb

"I thought, well, I'll just pop in and see Mrs. Slocombe..." -- 19.8Kb

"...before I start my long, long, 15-mile, lonely walk home." -- 22.5Kb

"...Friday, for some reason had been torn out." -- 24.5Kb

"There's a lot of life in me as well!" -- 27.9Kb

Fearing that his mother is at the door, Humphries bolts for the couch. -- 26.2Kb

"Oh, it's all right, I haven't read this one." -- 28.2Kb

Mrs. Slocombe comes on strong... -- 26.5Kb

...but Humphries is saved by the bell. -- 26.6Kb

"It's me, Lucas!" -- 30.1Kb

"Mr. Humphries?"  "Lucas!"  "Thank heaven for that!" -- 26.4Kb

Two more arrivals. -- 23.3Kb

"At this rate, we'll be lucky if we arouse anything." -- 27.0Kb

Tiddles gets nasty. -- 24.2Kb

"Mr. Humphries, leave my pussy alone!" -- 27.5Kb

That came as a bit of a shock. -- 24.9Kb

44. Mrs. Slocombe, Senior Person

"It is a little noisy, though, isn't it?"   "D'you know, we've never had that complaint before, have we, Mr. Lucas?" -- 23.7Kb

"This gentleman's practicing his exposure." -- 18.6Kb

"I know it takes all sorts to make a world, but may I suggest that you and your friend confine such activities to your leisure hours?" -- 18.5Kb

"I think the most suitable person to take over from me...." -- 22.0Kb

"H...Humphries--it's me!" -- 16.5Kb

"Lu--lu--lu--Lucas!  He's trying to say Lucas!" -- 18.8Kb

"Well, if you're looking for someone with drive, tact, ingenuity, class and charisma, I know the very person, but he's too modest to mention his name, so I'll just point." -- 18.7

"Mr. Lucas...that was very naughty." -- 16.6Kb

Mrs. Slocombe in the big chair.... -- 24.7Kb

"Forty-two and a rubber." -- 19.9Kb

"Oh my God...here we go...forty-two and the week ending October the fifth." -- 20.8Kb

"Now then, what's it like being in charge?" -- 22.8Kb

"Two weeks as management and you're automatically out the union, then you can't come back." -- 21.8Kb

"There are two meringues left...don't touch them yourself.  Have Mr. Harmon put on a pair of rubber gloves...." -- 22.2Kb

Mrs. Slocombe is suddenly taken ill by the meringues. -- 18.1Kb

45. The Hero

"There's a mouse around my drawers." -- 17.0Kb

The guys find out where Captain Peacock's boil is. -- 17.3Kb

"I wouldn't be that cheeky." -- 20.1Kb

"I doubt if they'll ever get to the bottom of it." -- 19.8Kb

"Oh, I expect they will in the end." -- 20.2Kb

Mr. Rumbold delivers a challenge. -- 17.2Kb

Boxing practice. -- 17.1Kb

"I can see quite a lot from here." -- 17.6Kb

	"I swore before the high lama I would do no violence to any living thing, animal, vegetable, or insect." -- 16.7Kb
	"Now, wrestling, that's another matter...I was known as 'Hugger' Humphries--they had to pull me off people.  D'you know, I was the catch-as-catch-can champion of the Barleymoor Road mixed infants?" -- 19.9Kb

"Mr. Humphries?"  "I'm not free!" -- 20.0Kb

"No!  Put me down!" -- 16.9Kb

"Take your trousers off."  "Oh!  I never thought those words could cause such mixed emotions." --  28.8Kb

"Take his things off!"  "Ow!  You very nearly did!" -- 26.4Kb

Lucas and Rumbold toss Humphries into the ring.... -- 18.1Kb

A whiff of smelling salts before the match. -- 23.1Kb

"I've never seen anyone so keen." -- 22.6Kb

Franco chases Humphries around the ring. -- 23.4Kb

"Are you listening?"  "Well, I haven't got much choice, have I?" -- 16.2Kb

"The first thing we gotta do is whirl you around my shoulders and slam you onto the floor.  They call it a propeller."  "Oh!  What am I going to do?"  "You're going to let out an agonizing yell."  "I think I can manage that." -- 20.6Kb

"E's givin' 'im a flyin' propeller!" -- 21.0Kb

	"That was a good yell--I think you've done this game before."  "But not with so many people watching." -- 17.8Kb
	"Isn't it time I got you into something?"  "No, they've got to hate me first--and then when you get your revenge, they're gonna love you." -- 18.4Kb

"You big bully!  Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?" -- 23.0Kb

46. Anything You Can Do

"She didn't use any bad language at all--she just gave me a right earful." -- 17.8Kb

"Why are we waiting?  Why are we waiting...?" -- 17.9Kb

"Told you." -- 13.9Kb

"That's my toad-in-the-hole." -- 17.3Kb

Humphries and Slocombe share the gloves. -- 21.0Kb

"Aaaaaaah!" -- 19.1Kb

21.2Kb

"Don't be silly--only women are afraid of mice." -- 18.3Kb

"I'm shishing as fast as I can!" -- 15.7Kb

"Here's your soup, Mr. Grace." -- 18.2Kb

"We, the undersigned, humbly apologize to the canteen staff of Grace Brothers for complaining about the food, the hygeine...." -- 20.0Kb

"...and that cow of a manageress." -- 13.4Kb    (Sorry, Diana, his words, not mine!)

47. The Agent

"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha...you've obviously not read the label.  This garment is made of pure giraffe wool." -- 13.4Kb

Peacock is determined to get his pay packet. -- 13.9Kb

"People who haven’t got what you got are gettin’ it."  "Are they?  Why aren't you getting it?"  -- 13.2Kb

"Because I haven't got what you've got." -- 14.0Kb

"Sign here." -- 15.4Kb

"There's just one thing I want you to know, Captain Peacock...." -- 16.4Kb

"I did--like that." -- 14.6Kb

"Tell Humphries, five-thirty behind the bandstand and I’ll take all the woo he can pitch." -- 14.4Kb

"Mrs. Slocombe, I don't pitch my woo in public." -- 15.0Kb

48. The Punch and Judy Affair

Humphries tries to cover the naked model. -- 20.6Kb

"I can't get the sauce out of the bottle." -- 21.4Kb

"Cannibalism, transvestism and meals on wheels." -- 16.7Kb

"Mr. Rumbold...?" -- 21.4Kb

"Remember, if you don't like it, you only have to say." -- 23.7Kb

"Oh!  That's the way to do it!" -- 19.7Kb

Mr. Rumbold starts the music too soon again. -- 20.0Kb

"It's not a question of not liking it, it's just a question of not yet!" -- 18.6Kb

"I'm a funny policeman." -- 32.8Kb

Mrs. Slocombe wallops Mr. Lucas.... -- 20.1Kb

...and wallops him again. -- 21.9Kb

"You're not gonna say it like that, are you?" -- 20.4Kb

"Listen to me, Punch!" -- 20.3Kb

"I'd no idea you could be so kind and understanding." -- 22.3Kb