01.  Pilot Episode

"Ooh, Miss Brahms, is that the best you could do?" -- 20.4Kb

"If she burns her bra, we'll have to call out the London fire brigade." -- 21.1Kb

"We now hold the sole concession on Beauty Bra." -- 22.1Kb

"Anyone got a ladder?" -- 21.1Kb

"I'm still sort of  'feeling my way around,' as you might say." -- 18.2Kb

"I mean, people do have crooked noses, don't they?" -- 20.7Kb

"How do you find young Mr. Lucas?"  "Oh, he's very obliging." -- 22.0Kb

"Yes, Captain Peacock." -- 16.3Kb

"He has quite smooth hands, actually." -- 21.2Kb

Lucas gets a lesson in fluting. -- 21.6Kb

"Member's signature--Captain John Smith." -- 20.4Kb

"Mrs. Slocombe didn't like to take down your trousers without asking you first." -- 20.6Kb

"You know I'd do anything in my power to smooth the way--short of giving her that stand." -- 19.2Kb

"You've all done very well!" -- 17.9Kb

"I know just the thing." -- 18.8Kb

"Beryl, Grainger here.  Give me Mr. Rumbold." -- 17.7Kb

02.  Dear Sexy Knickers

"I'm always prepared to look the other way." -- 30.6 Kb

"Mr. Lucas has a customer--oh, I am glad." -- 36.5 Kb

"Plenty of ride, there, Mr. Grainger...enough to conduct a symphony orchestra." -- 28.5 Kb

"Nearly gave me a heart attack." -- 32.9 Kb

"Dear Sexy Knickers, I don't 'alf fancy you." -- 27.1 Kb

"You pull until you break all the stitches." -- 26.6 Kb

"We don't knee trousers, Mr. Lucas." -- 28.9 Kb

The note went to the wrong person. -- 24.2 Kb

"Dear Sexy Knickers...." -- 25.8 Kb

"Hello, Captain Peacock...this is Sexy Knickers." -- 25.5 Kb

"This is Sexy Knickers here." -- 30.8 Kb

Peacock's reaction to Brahms' call. -- 32.6 Kb

"Some lady says she wants to have me on the carpet." -- 27.6 Kb

"I'm afraid I've been a bit of a bad boy, Mrs. Slocombe." -- 32.6 Kb

03.  Our Figures Are Slipping

"I wouldn't be caught dead with imitation crocodile...not in these shoes, anyway." -- 21.0 Kb

"I'd better give it a bit of encouragement." -- 26.2 Kb

"That could be it, sir, yes." -- 23.7 Kb

Rumbold has his audience in thrall. -- 25.4 Kb

04.  Camping In

Checking out Mrs. Slocombe's window. -- 14.6 Kb

Some minor difficulties pitching Lucas' tent. -- 21.3 Kb

"I'm just trying to get my trousers off." -- 18.2 Kb

"Ooh, the things you see when you haven't got your gun." -- 18.1 Kb

Sitting around the campfire. -- 18.3 Kb

05. His and Hers

"It's Mr. Mash to you." -- 14.9 Kb

"Oh, please, Captain Peacock, I beg of you, don't tell the evil Mr. Rumbold...." -- 18.7 Kb

"Even in the French Revolution the victims weren't required to chop off their own heads." -- 29.5 Kb

"He's chattin' her up again--look at him, look at him!" -- 18.0 Kb

"You're sophisticated and dangerous, you're slightly aloof...." -- 19.2 Kb

"...if you want a real he-man, you'll find just what you've been waiting for.  Let me caress you...." -- 17.2 Kb

"Did you ever hear the likes in all your born days, Mr. Grainger?" -- 21.7 Kb

"Now, I've no doubt you've noticed the way in which this young lady operates." -- 21.9 Kb

"A tie, yes, a tie in these gay, irresistable His colours." -- 21.9 Kb

06.  Diamonds Are a Man's Best Friend

"Thank you for a lovely evening." -- 20.5Kb

"Only a woman with your persuasive tongue, Mrs. Slocombe, could unload a 44 long onto a 36 short." -- 21.3Kb

"He's got a beard."  "How about that?" -- 21.0Kb

"...waitin' for that voice to come cryin' out of the sky--'Are you free, Mr. Lucas?'" -- 20.0Kb

"Get up, you fool!"  "Look, there's a hundred quid lyin' around here someplace!" -- 20.1Kb

"Why are you standing like that, Mr. Lucas?" -- 22.5Kb

"Are you being served, sir?  Good." -- 18.1Kb

" 'Mr. Rumbold' is going to make a telephone call." -- 18.1Kb

"I found it!" -- 18.4Kb

Hiding under Mr. Rumbold's desk. -- 15.2Kb

"They're off the dresses!  It's all rubbish." -- 21.5Kb