57. Sweet Smell of Success

"Any of your lip before we open, and you'll get my umbrella up your hooter." -- 19.5Kb

"I'm now going to test it to see if it gets me to the canteen in time for my coffee break.  Have a nice day." -- 16.7Kb

"Not in those trousers!" -- 18.7Kb

"I can't get it open!" -- 17.7Kb

"This is highly irregular." -- 20.7Kb

"Is that your last word?" -- 17.8Kb

Peacock tries to attract the attention of the canteen manageress. -- 20.3Kb

"I don't think you're getting through." -- 17.3Kb

"When my two-year-old does it, it usually means that he wants to go to the potty." -- 16.2Kb

"My mother used to take me to the botanical gardens a lot when I was a little boy--she's got a lot to answer for." -- 18.2Kb

"Enough of that and you'd get chucked out of anywhere." -- 20.5Kb

	"It's supposed to attract the opposite sex.  Does it do anything for you?"  "Naaah."  "Oh!  There's hope for me yet!" -- 23.0Kb
	"In Mr. Rumbold's absence, Miss Belfridge will be working directly under Captain Peacock." -- 20.3Kb
	"Peacock should've never shown his wife that photograph in the staff magazine.  Hold the fort!" -- 24.6Kb

The perfume gets spilled on Peacock's trousers. -- 19.8K

"I'll just take your inside leg." -- 20.0Kb

"It's 32, and hurry!" -- 18.9Kb

"Up a bit, George, I've got a customer." -- 18.3Kb

"Uh-oh, you've forgotten your trousers!" -- 20.6Kb

"What's that smell?"  "It's my aftershave." -- 21.0Kb

"Stephen!" -- 22.0Kb

"Ground floor, and hurry!" -- 20.6Kb

"I cannot allow you to sell your homemade perfume." -- 18.3Kb

58. Conduct Unbecoming

"You're askin' for trouble, Mr. Spooner.  You know perfectly well Mr. Humphries hasn't been in yet." -- 21.6Kb

Mr. Humphries sneaks in late. -- 19.9Kb

"Oh!  I've lost my suspenders!" -- 23.8Kb

"The bite shows a gap in the front teeth." -- 17.9Kb

Humphries breaks down. -- 19.7Kb

"It's his mother--they've had a tiff--it's a very personal matter--he's had to pack his bag and leave home." -- 20.9Kb

"Come now--stand up like a man." -- 21.1Kb

"Thank you." -- 17.9Kb

"If ever he needs a bed, he can be sure of one at my home." -- 24.1Kb

"Where's Mr. Humphries?  I've got something in the pram that belongs to him." -- 18.7Kb

"However could I leave it behind?" -- 20.0Kb

"And tell her I'm never coming home ever, ever again." -- 21.7Kb

A trying day for Mrs. Humphries' little boy.... -- 16.9Kb

Returning drunk from the pub at lunchtime. -- 17.0Kb

"Humphries, I want you in my office immediately."  "My word, that was quick." -- 17.9Kb

"The two five-pound notes are missing." -- 16.6Kb

"I've got nothing to hide." -- 19.3Kb

"Oh, the relief of it all!"  -- 21.3Kb

"He's goin' through a personal crisis...left home...nowhere to go...." -- 20.8Kb

"I'm afraid this is the end of a very promising career." -- 20.5Kb

"But I'm innocent!" -- 19.5Kb

"...events which suggested a lack of honesty on more than one member of the staff!" -- 21.2Kb

Mrs. Slocombe tries her hand at being a lawyer. -- 25.5Kb

"This is the face of an innocent man!" -- 25.5Kb

"Mr. Humphries, I must ask you to resign."  "Resign?  From Grace Brothers?" -- 18.5Kb

"I'd try the YMCA, if I was you." -- 20.9Kb

"D'you know, I can't believe this is happening to me--I've always been such a good boy." -- 18.2Kb

"I shall never forget that sad look on his little face." -- 21.3Kb

"It's the missing money!"  "We'll never find him to tell him!"  "Oh, I hope he doesn't throw himself under a train!" -- 26.7Kb

Humphries returns for his Paddington Bear. -- 16.7Kb

"I'll be home as soon as I can." -- 21.1Kb

An unexpected reward from Miss Belfridge. -- 19.9Kb

59. Memories are Made of This

"Mr. Walpole?"  "Not that good-lookin' man with the lovely smile from sports!" -- 18.3Kb

"And here on our floor!" -- 15.0Kb

"Oh, isn't he handsome?" -- 24.1Kb

"Go and say hello, then...introduce us." -- 22.1Kb

"Shall I?" -- 22.0Kb

"Do I look all right?" -- 21.3Kb

"Hi, Humphries." -- 18.1Kb

Mr. Walpole demonstrates his equipment.... -- 22.0Kb

Captain Peacock ready to tee off. -- 25.5Kb

Mrs. Slocombe gets walloped on the forehead. -- 24.8Kb

"Where am I?"  "Well, you're with your friends at work." -- 23.2Kb

"My mummy says I mustn't talk to strange men." -- 20.8Kb

"Well, you can talk to me." -- 18.9Kb

"Thank you, Wilberforce."  "Not at all, Stephen." -- 21.2Kb

Second childhood. -- 21.5Kb

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me...brother." -- 17.5Kb

Being immature in the canteen. -- 22.1Kb

"Put that out!  I'm going to count to three...." -- 23.2Kb

"When is a door not a door?" -- 20.2Kb

"She's not comin' home with me!" -- 21.7Kb

"If the wind changes, you'll stay like that." -- 20.2Kb

Betty being a bad girl. -- 21.6Kb

And then things escalate. -- 16.0Kb

Mr. Rumbold experiences the canteen service first-hand. -- 19.0Kb

Mrs. Slocombe demolishes Rumbold's office. -- 20.4Kb

"Hello, Big Ears!" -- 19.3Kb

"So all the time you mean to say that you...?" -- 22.8Kb

60. Calling All Customers

"Mr. Humphries and I never got home last night." -- 28.7Kb

"I went up to this man, I said, 'Are there any police around?'  He said, 'No,' and handed me his wallet." -- 21.6Kb

Doing a bit of dusting. -- 24.6Kb

"Big Bert Spooner here.  If there's anybody out there, come in." -- 19.0Kb

The lorry driver crashes after hearing about Mrs. Slocombe's pussy. -- 24.2Kb

"I think he's pulled off for a coffee." -- 20.8Kb

"There's a hundred pounds in it."  "You're on." -- 21.3Kb

"Right, now, Jim lad.  If I catch you around my daughter...." -- 21.0Kb

"The adventures of Jim, a lusty country boy." -- 23.1Kb

"Ooh, haven't you got a whopper." -- 21.2Kb

"Cut!" -- 20.9Kb

"Mr. Harmon, cut your coconuts."  "What?" -- 21.2Kb

"Nell felt the passion rising in her veins..." -- 20.9Kb

"...at last she was alone with the man she loved." -- 22.5Kb

"But I didn't know this was going out on the air!" -- 20.2Kb

"And that goes for me, too." -- 21.9Kb

61. Monkey Business

Humphries, Slocombe and Brahms arrive for work.... -- 21.9Kb

-- 28.6Kb

"The failure of management to meet the promised pay demand is most unfortunate." -- 16.8Kb

"The bad news is we ain't got no rise." -- 20.2Kb

"Now, I've got my dander up, so just watch it!" -- 20.8Kb

"I've often done that, but I've always been forgiven." -- 17.7Kb

"It's Joan of Arc all over again." -- 21.6Kb

The staff try to get themselves fired. -- 20.4Kb

"They've sold us to the Japs." -- 19.9Kb

"Actually, I'm a 'don't know'...but I'm with you." -- 18.9Kb

"Fancy us in Number 10 Downing Street." -- 22.6Kb

"Ronald who?" -- 18.5Kb

"He knew all our names!  He never used them, but he knew them." -- 23.8Kb

"That bald-headed monkey with the big ears--it's climbed through the window and it's sitting in Mr. Rumbold's chair!" -- 19.2Kb

"Getting a banana in the ear is an insult we cannot forgive." -- 19.4Kb

62. Lost and Found

Humphries demonstrates how to shape a hat (looks like he finally got the wrist action down). -- 18.6Kb

"When was the last time you saw her?" -- 18.7Kb

"They found its clockwork mouse at the edge of a well." -- 15.3Kb

"If you're not going to behave yourself, you can go and sit at another table." -- 18.7Kb

"Now, no news is good news, and we all love you, and we're all standing by you." -- 20.2Kb

"You've only to look at Mr. Humphries' eyes to know that he cares in a very special way." -- 18.8Kb

"There aren't two like him in the world." -- 19.8Kb

"Is she talkin' about me or the Pope?" -- 18.9Kb

"Mrs. Slocombe--I propose...." -- 21.9Kb

"And I accept!" -- 20.9Kb

Humphries can't believe what's just happened. -- 21.5Kb

"Kiss me!" -- 20.0Kb

The shock was just too much... -- 24.5Kb

...and so out he goes. -- 22.4Kb

"Look, will you stop crying?  That's better.  Now, just treat it in a light-hearted manner.  You're not losing a son, you're just losing a sofa." -- 20.9Kb

"I'm free!"  "Well, that makes two of us!" -- 21.1Kb