Mrs. Slocombe and Miss Brahms arrived by motorcycle.... -- 29.2 Kb

...while Mr. Humphries hitchhiked dressed as a sailor. -- 20.1 Kb

"People are very kind to the services, you know." -- 18.9 Kb

"Mr. Grainger!"  "Not while I'm selling, Mr. Humphries." -- 17.6 Kb

The customer was in an awful hurry.... -- 25.5 Kb

"If a man rings up with a Scottish accent, you're the cleaner and you've never heard of me.  No, I don't owe him any money...I don't owe him anything.  What do you mean, there's someone coming up the garden path in a kilt?  Well, look, lock the door and hide in the cupboard.  I'll phone you before I leave here.  Whatever you do, don't open the door unless it's a young policeman carrying a rolled umbrella.  And if I can borrow a helmet from the toy department, that'll be me." -- 24.4 Kb

"You have such exciting knees." -- 22.7 Kb

"How could they let it out of the workroom like that?" -- 19.3 Kb

22. Top Hat and Tails

"You've been there early, have you?"-- 14.8 Kb

"A sunshine babe?!" -- 21.3 Kb

Mr. Humphries demonstrates his Sunshine Babe routine.... -- 19.3 Kb

20.6 Kb

18.8 Kb

20.4 Kb

"Mr. Rumbold...?" -- 18.3 Kb

"Fate has thrown us together at last, Mrs. Slocombe." -- 22.4 Kb

"And this would also be wrong." -- 19.6 Kb

Peacock and Humphries demonstrate. -- 22.9 Kb

"Mr. Grainger--are you free?" -- 20.6 Kb

"I'm not quite sure where to start." -- 22.9 Kb

"Chest--forty-two." -- 24.1 Kb

"My name?  Would you believe Stan Laurel?" -- 18.8 Kb

"It's my own." -- 20.1 Kb

"Does it glow in the dark?"  "No, but I do." -- 20.9 Kb

At the dress rehearsal for Mr. Grace. -- 20.3 Kb

20.2 Kb

23. Forward Mr. Grainger

"Oh yes, we're definitely free." -- 29.2 Kb

"What?!" -- 23.3 Kb

"If I was in that office, you wouldn't be out here for five minutes!" -- 32.9 Kb

"Oh, I know, you'd have me in there for a quick chat and a cuddle, wouldn't you?" -- 15.0 Kb

"Oh yes, of course!  I've got an office, haven't I?" -- 27.1 Kb

"That thin bit at the back is where the pillow rubs.  The rest is growing lush and rampant."--19.5K

A salute for the departing despot. -- 24.5 Kb

"I shall make an adverse report on you in your record." -- 18.7 Kb

"Now come on--blow." -- 21.3 Kb

"I can't stand it anymore." -- 15.2 Kb

"But I feel so sorry for him--the rotten old bastard." -- 37.2 Kb

The staff is late to get back to work. -- 20.6 Kb

"Well, don't all look so miserable--I was going to offer you a drink." -- 15.2 Kb

The staff rush to take Mr. Grainger up on his offer. -- 22.9 Kb

24. Fire Practice

"My drawers had gummy runners."  "I was just easin' 'em for him." -- 20.2 Kb

"Hold onto me, I think I'm getting vertigo." -- 20.4Kb

"I don't know what all the fuss is about--I've had mine for a week." -- 21.7Kb

"You know, the last time I stood under ultraviolet light, it showed up all my jockey shorts." -- 15.8 Kb

"Oh!  Thank you, thank you." -- 22.4 Kb

"Eighteen." -- 22.7 Kb

"One false move, they'll turn him into an enoch." -- 20.4 Kb

Bargaining for the trousers.... -- 24.1Kb

"Thank you--thank you very much." -- 14.2 Kb

Peacock attempts to teach the fireman's lift...without much success. -- 20.9 Kb

"Now you can do whatever you want with him."  "You wait 'til you're asked." -- 24.4 Kb

Lucas "rescues" Mrs. Slocombe... -- 28.4 Kb

...likewise, without much success. -- 26.7 Kb

Captain Peacock has an accident with the CPR doll. -- 20.9 Kb

Mrs. Slocombe prepares to practice the fire escape. -- 23.8 Kb

"You've got to come out feet...oh, ha, ha!" -- 16.9 Kb

"Oh!  It's the Chief, himself!" -- 20.7 Kb

The Chief gives Mr. Humphries a lift. -- 21.8 Kb

25. Fifty Years On

"I'm free." -- 17.4 Kb

"Oh, you mustn't think of anything for me." -- 25.7 Kb

"Oh!  You are getting absent-minded!" -- 27.4 Kb

"It's a good job he remembered his Y-fronts." -- 17.6 Kb

"I like it, I like it." -- 19.9 Kb

"Mr. Grainger's often shown me how to brim-steam and shape, but I get the wrist-action wrong.  Every time I do it, it goes limp." -- 21.2 Kb

"Never underestimate the Flexi-Girdle Corporation." -- 23.2 Kb

The reaction to the Flexi-Girdle display. -- 19.2 Kb

The gang tries to decide what to get Mrs. Slocombe for her birthday. -- 23.4 Kb

"Put me down for half a crown." -- 16.0 Kb

"Of course I've got the right key--trouble is, I keep going in the wrong flat." -- 19.6 Kb

"Happy birthday, dear 'Ur-ur'...." -- 18.1 Kb

"From now on, I shall always think of Mrs. Slocombe as 'Dear UR-UR.'" -- 20.4 Kb

"I've never actually seen one before." -- 20.5 Kb

"We're not going to tell you what it is...." -- 17.3 Kb

"...it's a secret!" -- 18.5 Kb

"Happy birthday, Mrs. Mary Elizabeth Jennifer Rachel Yiddell Abergavenny Slocombe...." -- 26.1K

26. Oh What a Tangled Web

"Beauty Bounce--the new washable party wig." -- 18.0 Kb

"He just said Mr. Rumbold's secretary wasn't in yet, either...then he went like that." -- 22.5 Kb

"It's been going on ever since the Christmas party." -- 25.6Kb

"Assistant thirteen speaking...unlucky for some...." -- 21.5 Kb

"Do you think you invented it?" -- 18.3 Kb

"Oh, it's disgusting." -- 27.9 Kb

"Oh!  Good morning, Captain Peacock." -- 18.6 kb

"And the next object is: a lie...a lie." -- 18.6 Kb

"And don't worry if the sporran's a bit long--it's bound to ride up with wear." -- 18.7

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh." -- 20.0 kb

"You won't be going home.  They're changing the locks now, my precious." -- 25.0 Kb

Captain Peacock tries to stop his wife's pursuit of Mrs. Slocombe. -- 22.5 Kb

Mr. Grainger gets a wedding cake on his head. -- 20.6 Kb

"How can I be all right with currants in my ears?" -- 25.0 Kb

27. The Father Christmas Affair

"I'm the one who has his tie caught in the till." -- 18.4 Kb

Humphries returns from Outward Bound school. -- 18.9 Kb

"Were they all men?" -- 22.7 Kb

"I should have thought you'd be one of the last people to go on one of those expeditions." -- 17K

"The advert said it would make a man out of you, so my mother thought I'd better give it a try." -- 20.1 Kb

"Oh, that'll be nice." -- 15.2 Kb

 The CDU. -- 25.5 Kb

"It looks a bit like my Auntie Ethel only her beard's a bit longer." -- 19.6 Kb

"Ho, ho, ho, little boy...have I got a surprise for you." -- 23.9 Kb

The staff reacts to the CDU's greeting. -- 17.8 Kb

18.3 Kb

"I wonder what that costs." -- 21.4 Kb

"The sleeves has got stitched to the coat." -- 21.1 Kb

The CDU's greeting was too much for Mr. Humphries.... -- 18.3 kb

Mr. Grainger tries to eat the spaghetti Bolognaise. -- 19.3 Kb

Mrs. Slocombe gets her revenge. -- 20.0 Kb

Humphries and Lucas try to teach Grainger an Al Jolson routine. -- 22.3 Kb

"Mammy, Mammy...." -- 24.7 Kb

"I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles...." -- 23.4 kb

"Lots of people would take years, you know, to get hold of a routine like this." -- 25.3 Kb

"Your legs weren't moving with your brain." -- 15.6 Kb

"You're not as silly as you look, are you?" -- 21.9 Kb

Mr. Grainger finally gets it right. -- 22.2 Kb

Humphries' last bit. -- 18.5 Kb

"Where on Earth did you get that?"  "It was all that was left over from last year's Snow White stand." -- 25.1 Kb

"Before you speak, I borrowed it." -- 24.7 Kb

"No, not the two of you--you're too shifty-eyed." -- 24.2 Kb

"Ho, ho, ho, little boy, have I got a surprise for you." -- 16.9 Kb